I'm jealous of your bromance
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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