Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize
