After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
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