Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
