I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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