It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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