I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
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