drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
