my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
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