i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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