he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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