you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Randomize
