you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Randomize
