I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
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