thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
