don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
