dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
