why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
