Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Randomize
