No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
