If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
