# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
