I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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