Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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