happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
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