you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
