Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
