thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Randomize
