Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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