I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Randomize
