So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
All I want is dick and wine.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
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