no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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