ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
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