I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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