i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
