you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Randomize
