I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Too much gin, very little bucket
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
