Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
