I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
My pussy is not your playground.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
