Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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