The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
