I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
