Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
