Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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