i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
