I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
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