Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Randomize
