After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
