I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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