why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
