is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Randomize
