So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
